Again today I am confronted with how much of self is still in my heart. For many years I have been reading about how much of self is dwelling in our lives – in my life. So many times I have felt the love of God speak to me as I wallowed in self-focus, self-desire and just plain selfishness. Over the span of these years God has graciously revealed to me the depths of self that still inhabits my soul. When He does this I feel no condemnation, only a gentle but firm nudging from His Spirit telling me to “let go” so He can fill the places my self once dwelt in.

I have experienced the tender compassion of God seeking to draw me nearer to Him. All that holds Him back is ME!

Why is it so hard to let go of me? I have “seen” God’s love. I have “heard” His voice calling to me. There were wonderful moments when He sang in my spirit and brought joy to my heart. Those were the moments after I was able to “let go” of me. Sadly those moments have been too far and too few between.

If Jesus lives in me, if I am developing His character in me and if I allow Him to mold me, then I will constantly be bumping into me. I get in Jesus way when He is growing and stretching me. I discover this when I clash with another person. I discover this when I allow life to direct me rather than Him. These clashes, bumps and collisions are God’s way of revealing me to me. My reaction to these things reveal the depths of my walk with the Lord.

The weakest moments of my life drive me to God. It is here I discover His strength. It is in the height of the moment I can choose to walk in the depths of His grace. It is in the moments I feel the most empty that He can fill me the fullest.