A Grace Disguised

I am reading a book entitled: A Grace Disguised. It is written by a man who talks about his journey though terrible loss. He, his wife, their four children and his mother had taken a day trip to a Native American reservation in Idaho to attend a powwow. They experienced the beauty and the trials of the American Indian. At the end of the day, they piled back into their van to head home. Ten minutes into their return this father noticed an oncoming car driving extremely fast. At a curve, that car jumped its lane and collided head-on with that minivan. He lost his mother, his wife and his four year old daughter.

This book tells the story of his grief and the way he dealt with it, and discovering the power of God’s grace in it all. In one chapter he talks about feeling like his life was sailing into the sea of nothingness. He did not want to forget the memories of his past, but was grieved whenever he remembered. He writes: “These memories (of his wife, daughter and mother) were, and are, beautiful to me. I cling to them as a man clings to a plank of wood while lost in the middle of the sea. But they are also troubling because they are only that –memories. They are vestiges of a past I will never again possess. They involve people I will never see again. I cannot live with the memories, and I cannot live without the.” (Page 70)

He shares how sorrow never really leaves the heart of those who go through severe loss. “But this depth of sorrow is the sign of a healthy soul, not a sick soul. It does not have to be morbid and fatalistic. It is not something to escape but something to embrace. Jesus said, ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.’” (Pg 73)

He learns that sorrow can actually enlarge our souls where we can feel mourning and rejoicing at the same time. We can feel pain and discover healing. Sorrow forces us to face life and ask life questions. Though he was overcome with grief, he discover how focused he could become. Things that had previously meant so much to him, he discovers are not really that important. He learns again the joy of fatherhood, spending time with his children, enjoying God’s creation, and discovering peace in the midst of life.

The grief brought focus and clarity into his life like never before. He learned to enjoy the present moment. Enjoying the present moment “makes us aware of the wonder of life itself, gives us a keen awareness of the world around us and deepens our appreciation for each moment as it comes to us. Even in loss and grief we can embrace the miracle of each moment and receive the gifts of grace that come to us all the time.” (Page 77)

We all suffer loss and grief. We often question God, others and life itself. We will never fully understand the paths that we walk down. Yet, there is a purpose in our journey. There is a grace from God for each moment. Our calling is to listen for His voice, place our hand in His and trust in the power of the One we are walking with. God helps us to enjoy each moment!